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5 Tips For Establishing First Contact In Online Dating

This is how you maximize the chances that your first message will spark interest.

In online dating, clicking "send" or even picking up the phone for a first conversation is nerve wracking for many users.

Initiating contact usually makes people extremely nervous, and this nervousness is accompanied by feelings of excitement and butterflies. More often than not, working through those feelings is rewarded by a great relationship- so hang on! To help you get through, you can the relationship develop by following the tips and tricks below.

#1 Just take a chance

If you are afraid that you won't find the right words, you may end up depriving yourself and your potential partner from some of life's best moments.

After all, nothing about your situation will change if your contact doesn't respond. And if you do receive a response, you might stand a chance for an online flirt or - maybe - even more.

#2 Have patience

Even though sending and replying to messages takes only seconds in the age of the Internet, if your contact takes some time to respond you should try to remain patient.

People won't manage to always respond immediately. Sometimes, they may also suffer from fear of contact and be struggling to find the right words. Therefore, practice patience. This is going to pay off in most cases.

(Image: Rawpixel.com / Shutterstock )(Image: Rawpixel.com / Shutterstock)

#3 Dare showing that you are nervous

The clearer, more mundane and more standardized your attempt at contact on dating sites, the lower your chances for success.

If you feel insecure and nervous about your choice of words and subject try to communicate that openly to your conversation partner. Not only does this take pressure from both of you – it also creates empathy, sympathy, and a common ground.

#4 Do your homework in advance

In your initial exchange try to make it clear that you are not merely initiating contact due to a nice profile photo. Instead, show that you are genuinely interested into the other person. You can do so by carefully reading the profile and by referring to it during your initial contact.

Also, think out a few words to end the message, politely and firmly asking your conversation partner for a response.

#5 Show interest, but don't ask too many questions

If you ask a lot of questions in your first message, it may seem attentive and interested – however, you might also quickly cross personal boundaries.

Furthermore, many people shy from replying to a large numbers of questions. It takes a lot of effort and may be time consuming! Instead, try to use given information to bring the focus on things you might have in common and get to know each other better. 

You can achieve that by writing something along the lines of: "I have seen in your profile that you play guitar. Just wanted to drop a line, because I also started playing and getting into everything music about 3 years ago..."

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Conclusion: keep it crisp, short, and original, while creating a sense of depth

Be intentional to make sure you do not just use empty phrases like "I would like to meet you, drop me a line!" in your first message. In most cases, this doesn't work because it does not generate interest.

Instead, take some time to write a few lines (no more than 300 words) and address why you would like to meet the other person. Explain what you find interesting about him or her, and make sure to reveal a bit about your own personality (traits, hobbies, profession, etc).

As long as you show sincere and genuine interest in a profile, while also hitting the right tone, you will usually receive a response.